In a world that often demands perfection, it's easy to find ourselves caught in a relentless cycle of trying to control every thought and action. But this constant struggle for perfection might actually be doing more harm than good.
Perfectionism and obsessiveness are like two peas in a pod. They both involve wanting things to be just right, all the time. When you're a perfectionist, you might feel this intense need for everything to work out just so.
I admit, at times I can be a bit of a perfectionist, everything I do is like an art project. I pay super close attention and put my heart and soul into making it the best it can be. I’m not intentionally trying to be perfect, but I really do care about doing my best and getting better at what I do. Sometimes, though, depending on what it is, I have been known to worry about not doing things just right, which causes so much unnecessary stress. But I keep going because I love seeing things turn out well, not just for others, but for myself too.
I have recently started to let go as I’ve come to realize, I just can’t do it all the way I would like. Juggling too many things and just trying to get through my days at times has forced me to rethink my approach. I still do the best I can however, with time constraints or other interruptions of life, I have had to relinquish some of my ideals.
Obsessiveness? That's another challenge for some - when you can't stop thinking about something, like a worry or a fear, and it takes over your mind. So, when you put these two together, you might find yourself constantly obsessing over whether you're doing things perfectly. It's like a never-ending cycle of trying to control everything, and it can be pretty exhausting!
Imagine, you're trying so hard to stop intrusive thoughts from creeping into your mind that you end up obsessing over them even more. Obsessing over obsessiveness. It's like fighting fire with fire, and it only fuels the flames of anxiety and stress.
I recently read this analogy and thought I would share:
“I don’t have a train of thought – I have seven trains on four tracks that narrowly avoid each other when the paths cross and all the conductors are screaming.”
Thoughts that might be contributing to obsessing is too much personal responsibility.
Some might believe it's their job to stop bad things from happening to others. For instance, they might feel they need to remind someone not to forget things or worry excessively about someone having a health problem or making mistakes. Sometimes, this worry can go too far leading to obsessions about preventing bad things, which can become quite a chore.
Are you prone to lying awake at night with anxious or fearful thoughts running through your mind? Do you tend to obsess over your performance at work, your children, parents, marriage, friends or other things?
I'm guilty of taking on too much personal responsibility which at times can lead to obsessing over every detail, especially when managing family responsibilities that fall outside the norm. When I'm trying to meet the needs and wants of everyone, it's almost inevitable that something will fall through the cracks, and the guilt that follows can feel relentless. The truth is, it's impossible to satisfy every demand. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we simply can't do it all, and accepting that isn't failure—it's acknowledging our limits and finding peace in doing the best we can.
Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to excel in every aspect of our lives? That's the loaded question. The fear of making a mistake or being everything to everyone becomes overwhelming and we find ourselves trapped in a never ending quest for flawlessness or we obsess about things and others to which we have no control.
We don't have to shoulder that burden. We can learn to recognize when our thoughts are out of control and seek a place of balance.
Some ideas that have helped me to overcome difficult thoughts:
Distraction:
When you start getting stuck on thoughts or actions, find a distraction. For example, sing a song, take a walk or listen to music that makes you feel good.
Question the thought:
Just because a thought pops into your head, doesn’t mean it’s true. Be sure to question the “ANT” "automatic negative thought" – ask yourself - is it true?
Instead of succumbing to the belief that every negative thought is accurate, we can choose to acknowledge them for what they are – just thoughts.
Take a step back.
Everyone (if you are human) has experienced ANTs. It’s when they are excessive and you can’t control them that they become compulsive and interfere with daily living. In that case, it’s likely something more and getting help from a mental health professional may be helpful.
Most have heard the saying…….
Let go and let God or detach yourself from unpleasant, meaningless or harmful attachments, thoughts or fears
We all want to release blocks to happiness, love, success, and health. The trouble, of course, is knowing where to start.
So. I thought I would share some of the messages that resonate with me. Hopefully, they’ll also speak to you and help you learn how to surrender what’s holding you back.
Letting go means simply to let the feeling be there and to focus on letting out the energy behind it.
The technique is to be with the feeling and surrender all efforts to modify it in any way. Let go of wanting to resist the feeling. It is resistance that keeps the feeling going.
When letting go, ignore all thoughts. Focus on the feeling itself not on the thoughts.
Thoughts are caused by suppressed and repressed feelings. When a feeling is let go, thousands or even millions of thoughts that were activated by that feeling disappear.
Every life experience, no matter how “tragic”, contains a hidden lesson.
When we discover and acknowledge the gift that is there, a healing takes place.
What one holds in the mind tends to manifest.
Any thought we focus on and give energy to regularly will likely show up in our life in the way we imagined it.
Enlightenment is not something that occurs in the future, after years of sitting cross-legged and saying “OM”. It is right here, right now.
The reason you may not be experiencing this state is because it is being resisted. Let go clinging to what has just occurred. Let go trying to control what you think is about to occur.
Picture yourself in a peaceful place where time seems to stand still and nothing else matters. It's like finding a sense of comfort that words can't quite capture. You feel completely at ease and in that moment surrounded by calmness.
Maybe not all of these messages will resonate with you but I hope you find some inspiration from at least one.
Another technique I have used with and for my daughter (the ever famous 5-4-3-2-1) which involves:
Identifying 5 things you can see – 4 things you can touch – 3 things you can hear – 2 things you can smell – 1 thing you can taste.
By doing this, it helps to shift the focus from anxiety-provoking thoughts to the present moment.
Obsessive thoughts don’t serve anyone well without taking steps to verify the validity and/or feelings behind them.
And keep in mind that striving for excellence is good so long as the pursuit of perfection doesn’t take over.
By embracing our imperfections, it allows us to live more fully and love more deeply, both ourselves and others. So welcome the quirks, mistakes, and imperfections, for they are what make us beautifully human.
And definitely........ let go of the ANTs!