Silent Treatment

Recently, we dove into the topic of emotional unavailability, and it got me thinking about all the different ways it shows up in our lives. Over the next couple of weeks, I’ll be unpacking a few of these, because each one really deserves its own spotlight — things like condescending behaviours, backhanded compliments, invalidated feelings, and finding your voice. Let’s be honest, life is pretty intense right now. Stress is at an all-time high, and it’s taking a toll on our relationships, whether at work, at home, or with friends. So, today, I’m kicking things off with a classic: the silent treatment.

Ever been on the receiving end of the silent treatment? It’s like walking into a room and feeling the temperature drop, even though the thermostat hasn’t budged. There’s this weird energy in the air — heavy, tense, and uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter if it’s coming from a partner, a friend, a coworker, or a family member; the silent treatment can make even the simplest interactions feel like emotional landmines.

What Is the Silent Treatment? The silent treatment is when someone intentionally ignores or avoids communication to punish or control another person. Sometimes it’s subtle, like one-word answers and avoiding eye contact. Other times, it’s blatant — complete radio silence, cold stares, or leaving the room whenever you enter. Either way, the message is clear: "You messed up, and I want you to feel it."

We’ve all been there. You say something is "fine" when it absolutely isn’t. Instead of talking it out, you go quiet, seething inside, hoping the other person will pick up on your mood and magically fix things. Spoiler alert: they rarely do.

The Hidden Weight

Some people struggle with expressing their needs or making requests because they fear how the other person will respond. They can't predict whether their request will trigger frustration or upset, so instead of asking, they stay silent. This silence isn't just a pause in conversation—it's a buildup of unspoken emotions and unmet needs. When someone doesn't have the tools to process or communicate their feelings, that silence can fester into bad energy, which is then projected onto the very person they are supposed to communicate with. The expectation is that the other person should somehow read their mind, and when that doesn’t happen, resentment can quietly grow.

In relationships, this can become a chronic pattern. One person shuts down while the other tiptoes around, trying to guess what went wrong. It’s exhausting and unfair. The truth is, no one is a mind reader. Expecting someone to know what you need without communicating is a recipe for resentment.

Emotional Punishment Being on the receiving end feels like emotional whiplash. One minute everything's normal, and the next, you’re met with icy silence. It leaves you questioning everything: "Did I say something wrong? Should I apologize? Am I overreacting?" You find yourself walking on eggshells, trying to avoid setting off another round of silent punishment.

This doesn’t just happen at home. It creeps into friendships and workplaces, too. A friend stops replying to texts without explanation. A coworker suddenly goes quiet after a disagreement in a meeting. The silent treatment sends a clear message: "You hurt me, and now you’re going to pay for it." But here’s the kicker — it doesn’t fix anything. It only creates distance.

Here’s the thing about the silent treatment: if someone isn’t willing to communicate what they need, don’t let them disrespect you by shutting you out. It’s not your fault. Their silence is a sign of immaturity and a lack of respect. It’s like a kid pouting in the corner hoping their parent will come over and make everything okay. When an adult uses the silent treatment, they want you to ask, “Are you okay?” But here’s the truth — don’t fall for it. Let them stay quiet, let them get upset, but don’t take it on yourself.

If you're doing something wrong at work and no one tells you, why should that be your problem? The person giving you the silent treatment has some work to do on their end — they don’t know how to ask for what they need, or they’re afraid of how you’ll react, so they stay silent. But this isn’t on you.

If they don’t respect you enough to say what they need, don’t let them punish you with silence. Let them deal with their emotions in their own time, and then you can decide how (or if) you want to respond. You have the power to remove yourself from that situation. If someone is so disrespectful that they expect you to read their mind and punish you when you don’t, that’s on them, not you. It’s time to hold yourself to a higher standard.

Why Do We Do It? Let’s be honest. Most of us have given the silent treatment at some point. It’s a knee-jerk reaction when we don’t know how to express what we need. Instead of saying, "I felt hurt when you said that," we go quiet and hope the other person feels guilty enough to make amends. It’s a coping mechanism, but not a healthy one.

Flipping the Script If we want better relationships, we need to stop expecting people to read our minds. Communication is key. Say what you need. Express when something hurts. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it beats simmering in silence and building resentment.

And if you find yourself on the receiving end of the silent treatment, recognize it for what it is: emotional manipulation. You deserve better than tiptoeing around someone else’s unresolved feelings. Healthy relationships are built on understanding, not punishment.

No one gets it right all the time. We’re all just trying to figure things out. Silence might feel like control in the moment, but connection comes from conversation.

Start talking — save relationships.